By Nanice Ellis
Contributing Writer for Wake Up World
Do you ever find yourself taking on the
negative energy of others? If so, you are not alone. Most of us come in
contact with numerous people every day – who bring us down.
We all feel it. We know when we are with
someone who is high-spirited and happy or someone who is low and
unhappy, but why is it so easy for others to affect us in negative ways?
Some of us cannot even go into supermarkets without taking on the woes
of everyone in the store. In order to shield ourselves from negative
energy, we must first understand how our energy is infiltrated by
others.
I worked as a crisis counselor at a
well-known crisis center in New York for about seven years. I quickly
figured out that if I was going to be successful at helping people, I
couldn’t take on any negative energy. Because I uncovered the secret to
keeping my energy clean and clear, I was able to assist thousands of
people in dire need without once being adversely affected, and in fact, I
consistently felt energized and fulfilled. If I can do it, anyone can.
Energy Infiltration
Whenever you encounter someone, whether
in the morning rush to the bathroom or over the conference table, an
exchange of energy is at play. There is your energy and there is the
other person’s energy. At some point in space the energies meet. If you
could be a fly on the wall, you would witness an interesting dance of
vibration – with the strongest energy leading the dance. This means that
if you are not centered in your energy field, your energy could be
infiltrated and influenced by that of your friend, spouse, child,
friend, parent or perhaps a stranger. So even if you are having a good
day and you meet someone who is spewing their bad-day-energy onto you,
your good day will likely turn bad.
You have been hit by Energy Infiltration.
This all happens without consciousness,
but what if you actually brought a higher state of consciousness to all
your interactions and relationships? What if you could be responsible
with your energy and not be negatively affected by anyone’s lower vibe?
What could this do for the quality of your life? And, for the quality of
your relationships?
If you are going to protect your
personal energy, you must first realize that your energy is your most
valuable resource. In other words, how you feel on any given day is your
greatest source of power and attraction. If you feel good, you are more
connected to your power and to your ability to consciously create. If
you feel down, you are less connected to your power and you are likely
unconsciously creating – more of what you do not want. When we allow the
negative or incongruent energies of others to affect our energy, we
give away our power and we lower ourselves vibrationally to a level
where we do not have the ability to consciously create.
This means that it is all about you, and you don’t have to change anyone but yourself.
This is why it is essential to make “how
you feel” the most important part of every day, and not compromise
your energy for anything or anyone. So, how do you do it?
Reclaiming Your Energy and Preventing Infiltration
1. Don’t Use Negative Emotions as Tools for Connection
It’s natural to want to connect with
others, but we often do this unconsciously by matching emotions. In
other words, if your friend is sad, you become sad in order to connect
with her. Or, if your partner is annoyed at something, you mirror that
annoyance in order to get on the same wave length. The thing is, every
time we use negative emotions as tools for connection, we compromise our
own energy, and even if we want to help our friend, spouse, child or
co-worker, we cannot offer effective support or guidance at the low
emotional level of the problem. How can you help anyone if you are
suffering with them?
If your friend is depressed, you don’t
need to become depressed in order to connect with him. It is possible to
offer compassion and understanding without compromising your energy. If
you can maintain a higher level of emotional vibration, you can be of
greater service, simply by creating a safe space for your friend to
express his feelings without bringing you down.
2. Let Go of Responsibility
The quickest way to be affected by
another’s negative energy is to feel responsible for them or their
experience. Every time you feel responsible for another, you take on the
responsibility as if it belongs to you, and your body, mind and spirit
responds as if you really are responsible and you must fix the problem.
In other words, you take on worry, stress and pressure that belongs to
someone else.
Feeling responsible for another is like
accepting their baggage as your own; hence, walking around with their
weight on your shoulders. How many people can you do this for without
getting overwhelmed or even sick? Sometimes our illnesses are the result
of carrying problems that aren’t even ours. How much of what you carry
doesn’t even belong to you? Really think about this.
No matter how much you care about
someone, you are not responsible for them or their issues. You are
responsible for you and your experience of them, but not for them.
Don’t think that you can help someone by
taking on their stuff as your own. The best help you can ever provide
is through keeping your vibe high and inviting others up to meet you.
They may or may not come up, but that is also not your responsibility.
Once you release responsibility, you can
actually show up in a more responsive way and possibly be of service,
instead of part of the problem.
3. Stop Playing Judge
The act of judging immediately connects
us to the source of our judgement. This means that if the other person’s
emotional vibe is low, your vibe will quickly match. Thereby
compromising your energy in exchange for judgment.
As soon as you judge someone’s
experience, even if it is silently to yourself, you invite the energy of
their experience into your own energy field. Because the mind does not
know the difference between real and imagined, judging something about
another opens you up to taking on the energy of whatever you are
judging, as if it is happening to you. This includes gossip.
When we allow everyone their own
experiences, we don’t take on their energy or the energy of their
issues. If it is not about you, keep out. Your mental interference in
someone else’s life is not worth the risk to your energy.
4. Drop the Sympathy
The moment you sympathize with someone,
you energetically take on the symptoms of the person you are feeling
sorry for. Yes, sympathy is when you feel sorry for someone. This means
that you can catch a cold over the phone or feel pain in your body when
you experience sympathy for another.
Feeling sorry for someone is actually
judging their experience – so when you feel sorry for someone, you lower
your vibe to match theirs – taking on all that negative energy.
When you feel sorry for another, you are
actually imagining that they are stuck in their predicament and they
are powerless to heal, change or consciously create a new reality. How
does it help anyone when you are imagining the worst?
You cannot feel sorry for someone and
imagine them empowered at the same time. When you imagine others
empowered, you also empower yourself and raise your own vibration.
The evolution of sympathy is compassion.
Compassion allows you to maintain a space of love and understanding for
others without compromising your energy in any way. Can you love
someone and allow their experience without feeling sorry for them? Can
you trust that their experience is somehow perfect for growth, evolution
and awakening?
5. Don’t Give Anyone Power Over You
We tend to allow our energy to be
influenced by those who appear to have power over us: parents, teachers,
bosses, authority figures, etcetera. If someone in authority is having a
bad day, and spews it on us, we don’t hesitate to accept it, or maybe
we even allow these people to dictate how we feel about ourselves
When you remember that everyone is a
reflection of your own consciousness, it is easy to see that no one ever
has power over you. They only have the power that you give to them
through your thoughts beliefs and actions.
The more you own your power, the more
control you will have over your vibration – and not take on energy that
does not belong to you.
6. Let Go of Thinking That You Know Better
When we think that we know better and we
try to change others, we instantly allow their energy to infiltrate
ours. If you don’t want anyone to affect your energy, then it is
important to allow everyone their own experiences and their own choices.
Don’t even have opinions about their opinions. In trying to convince
someone of your “know-how,” you are likely to compromise your own
energy. Remember how you feel is your most important asset – sacrifice
it for nothing and no one.
7. Stop Reacting to Others
Are there people in your life who
attempt to get their energy through drama? In other words, they try to
invoke negative emotional responses from you, in order to “get energy.”
Maybe you are even doing this unconsciously to others?
The moment you react, you give your power away and you also accept the negative energy of the person causing you to react.
In order to be angry, resentful,
jealous, etcetera, you must lower your vibration, and as soon as you are
an emotional match to the other person, their energy infiltrates yours.
If you want to own your energy and stay
positive, it is just not worth reacting. The cost is too great. This
doesn’t mean that you cannot speak your truth and set boundaries in a
way that supports you and the relationship. This can be done from a
space of clarity and compassion.
8. Don’t Take Sides
Others may want to use your energy to
support their cause, but if it is not about you, don’t make it about
you. Allowing yourself to get in the middle of another’s squabble or
cause, when you know it doesn’t concern you, is basically a waste of
your valuable energy. You can support others without getting in the
middle, and without allowing your energy to be poisoned by another’s
issues.
9. Do Not Accept Blame
Even if someone blames you or is angry
at you, you don’t need to take on their energy. My five year old
grandson spilled his ice cream in the car and blamed me because I hit a
bump in the road. We talked about him blaming me so that he could feel
better about the loss of the ice cream, but he really felt worse. People
blame us all the time for things that are out of our control. Just
because someone blames you, doesn’t mean you have to take it on. If you
are responsible, be responsible and rectify the situation, but don’t
allow yourself to be someone else’s scape-goat. You do not even need to
react to the blame – just let it pass.
10. Say “No” to People Pleasing
If you are a people pleaser, you are
likely very good at giving your energy away and therefore being affected
by other’s energy. Because people pleasers put others before
themselves, they are not responsible with their energy and therefore
they become energy sponges for everyone whom they are trying to please.
It is not your job to please the world. In fact, you would do much
better at pleasing others if you first pleased yourself, putting your
own needs and wants in first place. It is okay to say, “No” and set
boundaries that create a safe haven for you to be responsible for your
own energy.
11. Stop Believing Others Beliefs
When two people meet, the one with the
stronger beliefs about life often dominates the energetic dance, but
only if you are not grounded in your own beliefs. You may consider
various beliefs presented by others, but don’t be bullied by someone who
thinks that they know best. Sometimes others will even think that they
know what is best for us and they try to infringe their beliefs upon us
in the name of caring, but only you know what is best for you. Follow
your own inner guidance.
12. Mind Your Own Business
This might be a hard one, but it is none
of your business what other people think about you. You cannot please
all the people all the time, but it is also not your job to please
anyone. It only matters what you think, and feel, about you. As long as
you try to control other people’s thoughts and feelings about you, you
subject yourself to their energy. It’s like you are telepathically
saying, “Please tell me how I should feel about myself today.” When you
no longer have interest in what the world thinks about you, something
truly amazing happens. Your confidence soars and you become super
attractive – energetically and even physically. As a result, others will
actually think more highly of you, but you won’t care, and that is the
point!
Being Responsible With Your Energy
Most people are not responsible with
their energy, but this doesn’t give you permission to be irresponsible
with yours. This means being consciously responsible for the energy that
you receive and the energy that you project. Once you are completely
responsible with your own energy, it doesn’t matter if someone is
regurgitating their energy onto you – you won’t take it. Ironically, it
will also happen a great deal less.
If you do take on another’s energy, it
is important to remember that once you take it on, it becomes your
energy – not theirs. If this is the case, notice in what of the 12 ways
above you have allowed your energy to be infiltrated. Take responsibility for it.
No one can force you to take their energy. As long as you blame
another, you have no power to release it – thereby giving even more of
your energy away.
Over time, you can train your energy
upward to a threshold where others cannot bring you down. It might take
some conscious effort to get there but once you do, life flows with ease
and grace and you become a beacon of love and light for others.
Here’s how you can be even more responsible with your energy:
1. Own Your Energy
It is important to know how you feel
prior to all interactions, so if there is any change in how you are
feeling, you can identify it, and quickly release it by saying, “This is
not mine – I release it.”
2. See the Innocence in Everyone
When you look deep, we are all really
innocent. Seeing everyone as innocent and doing the best they can will
allow you to stay positive, and not take on the negative energies of
others.
3. Get the Happy-People High
When you do come in contact with happy
or high energy people, join the party. Accept the gift of positive
energy – just be careful not to depend on others to feel good.
4. Practice Letting Go
Living in a state of letting go allows
you to keep your energy clean and clear. When you let go, negative
energy cannot stick to you.
5. Don’t Play Catch
Just because someone throws you a dirty rag, doesn’t mean you have to catch it – let it go, and it cannot affect you.
6. Look for the Beauty
We tend to look for what is wrong in
others – but, instead look for the beauty, and you will align with
higher and higher aspects of others. People will feel your love and
respond in turn, raising your vibration and theirs.
7. Be Kind to Yourself
The world is always reflecting the
feelings and beliefs that we have towards ourselves. If you want others
to address you more positively, you must also commit to doing this for
yourself.
8. Set Boundaries
It is okay to let people know how to
treat you and even how to speak with you. Don’t be afraid to set
boundaries, such as: no gossiping, no judgement, no complaining. You
might say something like, “You probably didn’t know this, but I am
making how I feel the most important part of everyday, so I am no longer
taking part in gossip or anything that feels judgmental toward me or
anyone else.” You might add, “Would you like to join me?”
9. Share Positive Energy
If you are feeling good, show it. Smile,
be generous and give compliments. Live out loud. Remember, the stronger
vibration dominates all personal encounters. When you out-warded share
positive energy, you won’t be affected by lower vibes and those around
you will actually begin to feel better. This is how you make a
difference every day!
10. Project Energy
Instead of surrounding yourself with a
protective energy shield, imagine Divine Energy flowing into you and
overflowing from you – creating an aura of light and love all around
you. Allow this powerful energy to resonate from you and affect everyone
you meet.
11. Trust Your Intuition
Your intuition is a superior inner
guidance system and will always show you the way. When you don’t listen
to your self and you put the desires of others first, you compromise
your energy and you allow the energy of others to affect you. Every time
you trust your inner guidance and take action accordingly, you
strengthen your ability to protect your personal energy, and therefore
you naturally keep-out negative energy.
Final Thoughts
When you ultimately reach a point where
you don’t take on the energy of others, you are able to connect and
respond from a higher level, where it is possible to feel what someone
is feeling without acquiring their pains and woes. This is the Divine Experience of Compassion. From
this pristine space, you can give love without compromising or
sacrificing yourself in any way. Instead of feeling drained, you feel
powerfully energized and have an abundance of positive and powerful
energy to offer and share.
It is through this state of Higher Love, that you are truly of service to the world.
Even Gandhi Got Hungry and Buddha Got Mad
From the editor…
It’s
easy to express your spirituality when life is going the way you want
it to, but what happens in the middle of everyday chaos, when your days
are not long enough, your car breaks down, and your significant other is
driving you crazy?
Nanice Ellis’ book “Even Gandhi Got
Hungry and Buddha Got Mad!” is not about Gandhi… or Buddha — it is a
book about you and your spiritual journey through the chaos of daily
life, the challenge of the modern day seeker. This book will help you
to discover the secrets to making every day the spiritual adventure it
is meant to be, and what it really means to be a spiritual being having
a very human experience…
“Even Gandhi Got Hungry and Buddha Got Mad” is available here on Amazon.com. Or check out Nanice’s other publications here on Nanice.com
Previous articles by Nanice Ellis:
